Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Between Light and Darkness, Sacred and Profane


The candle flickered wildly as it was held high above our heads in the darkened sanctuary.

A hush fell over the crowd as the rabbi began the recitation of Havdalah - the blessing said each week to mark the end of Shabbat, the Jewish Sabbath.

We don't normally find ourselves at a synagogue on Saturday night, but we had come to celebrate the Jewish holiday of Purim, and stayed to hear Havdalah before we went about our night.

Layihudeem haytah orah v'simcha v'sasone v'eekar. 

There was light and joy, gladness and honor for the Jewish people. 


The ancient and familiar words washed over me as I stood surrounded by people - people who have been friendly and warm and open since our arrival in this new town almost four months ago. And the move was hard, but at that moment I felt lucky. Lucky that we have landed in this place at this time. Fortunate that, as orthodox Jews, we are a part of a community no matter where we go. That anywhere on the planet, there are people to whom we belong. To whom we are inextricably linked by the chains of our heritage and the richness of our history.

Baruch ata hashem elokainu melech haolam hamavdil bein kodesh l'chol. 

Blessed are You, Lord our God, ruler of the world, who separates the sacred from the profane


My vision had been blurred since our move. My entire existence seemingly built upon one prevailing message: "I live here now, and not there." And as someone who tends to look at life from a glass-half-full perspective, it has been disconcerting to have my usual optimism escape me.


But on that night, I felt more like myself than I had in months. I saw, for what seemed like the very first time, the beauty in beginning this new life. The unique appeal that makes this particular community different from all the other Jewish communities we considered when we were looking for our place. The rare qualities that make this place our place. What makes it important and holy. What makes it sacred rather than ordinary. 


Bein or l'choshech. 


Light from darkness.


I understood that for the past four months I had been living in a kind of darkness. Floating from day to day, just doing what came next. Missing my old life and home, and spending far too much time pondering what it would have been like to stay where we were, rather than uproot and move to where we are. Blurring the lines between what was and what is, and keeping a foot strongly planted in "before" rather than living in "after."


But standing in the darkness I was finally able to look at our move and see it in the light. I was able to see clearly an ending and a new beginning. I was, for the first time, able to point to our life in Manhattan and say that was then and this is now, and be at peace.


Baruch ata hashem hamavdil bein kodesh l'chol.


Blessed are You, Lord, who separates the sacred from the profane.


As the final blessing of Havdalah was recited and the candle was extinguished and the sanctuary came alive once more, a couple girls I had met a few days before came up to say hi. And while we were talking I glanced over at the men's section and saw David similarly surrounded by new people. By new friends.


He was smiling. And so was I.


And in those moments, I was home.






22 comments:

  1. This brought tears to my eyes. They are still there - they shall not escape! This post shows exactly why ritual and tradition are so important. It's all about living life fully. Fully.

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  2. I'm so glad you're finally feeling at home in your new community.

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  3. You know I love this!! I love the light. I am in darkness right now and my latest pink eye diagnosis seems fitting...my vision is blurred and I am unmoored in some ways. Blah blah blah all about me. But my point? I love this-- the spiritual and your connection to it and your willingness to share it. Damn. I just love it. I need it.

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  4. I am not a religious person, but I do admire and respect the sense of tradition and community it provides. I'm so happy for you, Samantha, that you are feeling comfortable and at home again. That's a blessing, and you deserve it.

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  5. Love this post. I write a lot about interfaith communication as part of a liberal faith, so I really enjoyed reading about your sacred holidays. There is something about ritual that opens up the door to our soul, you know? I am glad to hear that you are becoming more comfortable with your new community. These kinds of changes take time.

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  6. I love this for you, Samantha. I can feel your peace and belonging and the fading of the restlessness and confusion. Beautiful post.

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  7. This is such a beautiful and well-written post. I'm happy you're feeling at home!

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  8. Thank you for sharing this - what a wonderful way to describe the resolution between what was then and what is now. Sounds like a wonderful community you belong to.

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  9. Lovely sentiment -- I think the way this post is constructed is fab! I was drawn in and loved how it blossomed.

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  10. What a wonderful description of what it means to find a home, wherever you are. And I agree with all the above comments - wonderfully constructed!

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  11. What a beautiful picture you've painted. It is truly miraculous the way a spiritual bond can bring people together... And make you feel at home, at last.

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  12. Community. What a beautiful thing.

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  13. How wonderful that you feel at home now. I'm not religious but I know it's a powerful thing.

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  14. I love this. I'm so glad you're finding your way in your new town and you're starting to feel like you're home.

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  15. Gorgeous. Is there anything better than being part of a loving, welcoming and accepting community? I'm happy you are feeling connected and at home. This is the most uplifting piece I've read in a while (and I read a lot of 'em!). Nailed it! Great job!

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  16. Coming from a family that did not practice any religion I've never attended church, but it is the one thing I notice most when other people talk of their faith. The community they get from it. It's beautiful that it can be found across all religions.

    I love the way you make this ceremony feel so real.

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  17. A very powerful post, and clearly a powerful experience. It's not always easy to get to the "after." I've had my share. I also have a new faith community as of 2 months ago, and the difference between that before and after is staggering. Lucky us!

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  18. So happy for you! To feel at home only four months after moving is amazing, I think; I moved over two years ago and I'm still not there! Lovely post.

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  19. This makes me so happy for you. And for you to have these rituals and traditions so deeply within you that moving doesn't remove or change those, is such a beautiful thing. I am better off today for having read your post.

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  20. You do a wonderful job of expressing in the post the warmth you feel in your new surroundings -- I can feel it. I'm glad you have found your place to be :)

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  21. I also believe strongly in the power of community, especially one that has grown out of mutual faith or spirituality. This was a beautiful glimpse at your life. Thank you for sharing it with us and I am so happy you are home.

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