Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Day I Should Have Eaten Breakfast. And Worn Pants.

Sitting in the passenger seat of the junior partner's car, it occurred to me that I may have been about to embarrass myself Above the Law style.

When I took the law firm job for my second law school summer, I promised myself that I wouldn't be one of those summer associates who would do anything to impress a partner. But here I was, a mere three weeks into my twelve-week gig, doing exactly that.

It all started with a firm-wide e-mail two days before.

There was a blood-drive in an office park a few blocks away, and the partners were asking for volunteers to get a good showing from our office. I said I would go. I had never given blood before, but figured it couldn't be that bad. I googled around to find out how I could prepare, and all of the websites said to make sure to eat a lot and drink plenty of fluids to avoid getting light-headed.

No problem.

Unless the day of the blood drive turns into a frantic mess and your ride knocks on your office door before you have time for breakfast, lunch, or your mid-morning snack.

I grabbed a handful of Hershey Kisses for the ride over and prayed to whatever god was listening to get me through this unscathed.

I was hoping to watch someone else donate before it was my turn, but no such luck. I ended up at the front of the line and took my seat, surrounded by twelve other lawyers from my firm.

The nurse hooked me up easily and as the blood started to flow, I laughed at myself for worrying. When the bag was full, another nurse handed me a package of Oreos and a bottle of cranberry juice and told me sit for a few minutes. Thrilled with the snack selection, I thought that maybe I would make donating blood a habit from now on.

The buzzing in my ears was so dull at first that I thought I was imagining it.

But then it grew louder, drowning out the chatter that filled the Red Cross trailer, and bringing with it a wave of nausea that knocked me back in my chair. I tried to lift my arm to get a nurse's attention, but before I had the chance my vision grayed around the edges and I felt myself falling back into the black.

My feet were the first things I saw when I drifted awake.

Confused, I slid my eyes around trying to get my bearings and took in the scene. I didn't have the energy to lift up my head, so all I could do was lay there covered in ice packs and drops of the cranberry juice I had spilled, my legs straight up in the air and my skirt inching dangerously high, as all the other lawyers gathered around me, their faces masks of concern.

And think about how much I wished I was wearing pants.



30 comments:

  1. Thanks for the big laugh (although I feel a bit badly since it happens to be at your expense). I am weird in that I actually enjoy giving blood. I'll just be sure from now on to always wear pants.

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    1. Yes, pants would have been good. They really help with the legs in the air situation.

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  2. Ha! that is so sad and funny!!
    and i gave blood last year and i swear i felt like i was going to pass out just from looking at the bag, but i made it to the oreo finish!

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    1. Yes, the snacks are definitely the best part.

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  3. As the recipient of regular transfusions I thank you ! I will try to be worthy of your humiliation! But just wear pants next time!

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  4. See, this is why I always wear pants. Well, not THIS exactly, but you can never be too sure. Oh, and I never give blood. Small veins, fear of needles, yada yada. But I do enjoy a good oreo now and again.

    Apparently, your flashing of your undies didn't hamper your goals of working for the firm. In fact, it might have helped. At least you didn't have to KISS ass. Maybe just show a little? ;)

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    1. See, you never know when you might have to put your legs straight up in the air (in a totally non-dirty way), so pants are always a must.

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  5. Agh! What a nightmare!
    But kind of funny. A funny nightmare. ;)

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    1. Definitely funny now. Not so funny 6 years ago when all the partners saw my (very not cute) underwear.

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  6. I hope you wore underwear at least. This was really funny--thanks for sharing!

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  7. Oh my! I used to cry at blood drives when they rejected me for low iron. Then, once I got cancer, I was banned for life. Which is too bad since it's not like my (no longer present) cancer can kill anyone else.

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    1. They really ban you for life after cancer? That doesn't really seem fair.

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  8. You're not alone, many people pass out after giving blood, most of them in pants.

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    1. Hahaha, I know. And I so wish I was wearing pants.

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  9. I've never passed out completely, but I always got light-headed when I donated. Which took FOREVER because I have low blood pressure.

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  10. I tried to give blood while pregnant once, so that makes you that much smarter than I am. You are welcome.

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  11. *snort* The thing I remember most about giving blood the first time was how fast the glass of wine I had later that evening went to my head. I probably shouldn't have been wearing a skirt that night, either.

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  12. Wowza - this is both hilarious and horrifying all at the same time! Kudos to you for giving blood in the first place :-)

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  13. Omg. I feel for you here. And you were doing such a nice thing!

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  14. I almost passed out reading this. I have never given blood either which is super terrible of me as I am O negative!

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  15. I feel bad, but this made me laugh : /

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  16. Oh man -- I hope you got a permanent job offer after that! The last time I had blood drawn, the nurse's back seized up while she was placing the needle. Her arm went completely rigid with the needle in my arm. I had a pretty gnarly wound after that. It took me a while to get up the nerve to donate again. :)

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  17. Oh I am torn between the need to laugh uproariously and genuine concern for your condition. Way to end my day! Thanks for the great post. Came here via the yeahwrite weekly challenge.

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    1. Oh, by all means, laugh away. It wasn't super funny when it happened, but 6 years later, I'm definitely laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

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  18. Hilarious & mortifying at the same time. I use to pass out every time I donated but felt the need to keep going back. Haven't donated in at least 10 years and have an appointment to donate in December. I will definitely wear pants.

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  19. Oh nooooooo!!!! And THIS is why I don't give blood. In high school, I helped organize a blood drive, and then started to go faint when they pricked my finger for the blood test. They sent me right to the juice and cookies table, and I've never attempted it again. Great post, funny and well-written!

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  20. So funny! So I hope you wear nice undies all the time now, just in case.

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