Tuesday, December 24, 2013

My Best Childhood Pal


The way the story goes, my dad bought her for me in a chic toy store in Pittsburgh's storied Station Square when I was a newborn baby. No one can remember what it was exactly about that stuffed dog that struck my fancy. She was fluffy and yellow, with big eyes, black eyelashes, and pink bows tied around her floppy ears. Rather ordinary as stuffed animals go, but I loved her on sight. 

I called her Fifi.

She slept with me in my crib and later in my bed. She went with me to the doctor's office when I had to get a shot, and when I begged really hard, she got to come in the car for more mundane errands too. When my sister and I moved up to new bedrooms on the third floor after my parents remodeled our house, Fifi chased away the scary shadows on the first, unfamiliar night.

She read books with me and watched TV with me. She came on our family vacation to Israel when I was twelve and she dried my tears when the very first boy I liked decided he didn't like me the same. When we moved to Florida she made that strange city feel a little more like home, and I was never homesick at sleep-away camp because she was there with me.

She came with me to college and moved with me from one New York apartment to the next, and I'm pretty sure David met her before he met any of my people of the flesh and blood variety.

I was perusing Facebook a couple weeks ago and saw that a friend of mine had posted a link to a book written about the childhood "security blankets" we all loved. I clicked on it and when the Amazon page loaded, a little thrill went straight through me. Because there, on the cover of the book, was my beloved Fifi, in all her faded, worn out glory.

I sent the link to my parents and my dad promptly bought the book for me. Then we spent a few minutes reminiscing on my best childhood pal, my parents both wondering what became of her.

When I hung up the phone I headed straight for my bedroom closet. There, on the bottom shelf, propped up by a pile of sweaters, sat Fifi, her big eyes looking up at me as if she had been waiting for this visit. I picked her up and held her close, soaking up the familiarity of her bedraggled body. Her fur is gray now, her eyelashes gone, and her pink bows lost long ago. But it hardly matters.

Her home is in my closet now, but occasionally, if I am home alone or feeling a little shaky from what life can sometimes bring, she sleeps next to me in my bed, standing guard, still ready to slay the dragons.

11 comments:

  1. Last week I took a bus load of grade 4's into the city to see a play about The Velveteen Rabbit. This made me think about that story again. :)

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  2. Fifi is amazing. Let's have a play date for her and blue baby.

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  3. I love this anecdote. Although I didn't have a toy like that, my daughter has one-a baby doll that she got when she was one. Recently, we seem to have misplaced it and your post makes me want to renew the hunt!

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  4. Long time lurker/reader of yours, but I *had* to comment today! It's so neat that your friend happened to post that book, and that your Fifi was right there on it! I would have squealed with delight if I saw my Radar on the cover of a book. I, too, have a precious toy. I actually used him as my ring pillow for my wedding a few months ago. I *completely* related to this post, and felt glad that I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel silly that I still reach for Radar in times of need, but I guess part of us never really grows up, and that's just fine with me.

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  5. Awww...that's Theodore Edmund Bear for me. I got him when I was 8. I kept him all through my life, school, high school, college, law school and beyond. He has black smears on his belly where I would cry on his chest (wearing eye makeup of course) and I couldn't get the stain out. My 7 year old thinks I gave Ted to him, but I just let him think that. He's mine.

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  6. Oh, Fifi! I had a pink bear as a child, and it's still in a drawer at my mom's house. Last time I saw it, it kind of freaked me out because the eyes were missing, and it was wearing a makeshift diaper that I had fashioned out of a Kleenex. Needless to say, Bear-Bear is still in that drawer...

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  7. My childhood security blanket was a pillow! How sad is that? Fifi is adorable and so was this story.

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  8. I had my doll Honey. She was seriously what saved my sanity on many nights. I'll bet she and Fifi would have been great friends!

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  9. It's a lovely story of Fifi and you.

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  10. I had my Radoo! Glad you still have Fifi :)

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