Father's Day 2014

Happy Father's Day

to the very best father of daughters that there is.

We love you!

From Newtown to Oregon and the Seventy-Four In Between

There was a school shooting in small town outside of Portland, Oregon yesterday. You probably already know that. Or maybe you don't, because there seems to be distressingly little news about it. No special reports on TV. No banner CNN.com headlines.

Allow me to recap. A 15 year old boy came to school with an AR-15 assault rifle, a paper bag filled with ammunition, and some knives for back-up. He opened fire, killing one student and injuring more before turning his gun on himself.

The scene has become frighteningly familiar. Students and teachers are filmed from a birds-eye view streaming out of the school. Frantic parents huddle nearby, waiting for word on whether their children are alive or dead. At some point we learn how many were killed. The name of the shooter is released and some neighbor or friend of the family remarks on how he was "such a nice boy" and how they "can't imagine how this could have happened."

People on both sides of the gun-control debate dust off their arguments and start yelling while forgetting to listen. And finally, whatever president happens to be in power at the time gives an angry speech about how this can't keep happening.

But the thing is, it does keep happening. As a matter of fact, it has happened approximately 74 times since the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown a mere seventeen months ago. It has happened so many times that, in a horrifying display of capitalism that should make us all want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over our heads, a company decided to cash in on it and create a bullet proof blanket to sell to schools for kids and teachers to use during the massacres.

I wish I could think of something profound to say. Something that adds to the debate in a meaningful way. That will make sense of the reasons why one of the most advanced nations in the world can't get together to pass real laws to prevent the body count from rising even higher than it already has. That will help lessen the fear that parents feel when they send their kids to school and that we now feel when we go to the mall or the movies or any other largely public place where we used to go without wondering whether we would come out alive.

But I've got nothing. Not this time. I am sick and sad and embarrassed to live in country where violence against kids has become so common that it barely rates as news anymore. And I am furious that the people we elect to govern us seem to care more about arguing with each other and pandering to special interests than they do about keeping us safe.

After the Sandy Hook shooting, I had a lot of things to say about gun control, freedom and the law, and I wrote it all down in a post I am particularly proud of, that I am re-posting here. I wrote this piece almost eighteen months ago, but every word still applies.

Nothing has happened. Nothing has been done. People are dying every single day. And we should all be ashamed.

December 17, 2012 

Thoughts On Freedom And Sandy Hook Elementary 

I have so much to say. I don't know what to say. 

These seemingly incongruous thoughts have been the ones rushing through my head at equal turns since I first heard the news on Friday of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown. My first reaction to the early reports was disbelief. I was sure that the reports - conflicting as they were in those first hours - were mistaken. But as the death toll mounted, and more information was released, it was clear that they were not.

In rapid succession I traveled the stages of grief. For a long while on Friday night, I was stuck in depression. On my way home from work I read articles and looked at pictures of the kids caught in the middle of this terror, and my soul ached for the lives that were taken far before their time. I read testimonials from parents who dropped their kids off at school in the morning, secure in the belief that those kids would be safe. Those parents who spent hours caught in a nightmarish limbo, waiting to see whether their children were alive or dead. And my heart broke - for the parents whose children came back to them, and for the parents whose children never will.

And after depression came anger, and it is there that I stayed, and remain today. Angry at what, exactly, I am not sure. There are so many things. Angry at a God who would wrench the innocence from a school full of children. Angry at the shooter's mother, for teaching her son to love guns. For taking him to the shooting range and for sending the message that guns are toys to enjoy, rather than lethal weapons to fear. Angry at people who saw in the shooter signs of mental illness, yet did nothing. Angry that there are people in this country who believe that the Second Amendment affords them the right to own an assault rifle - a firearm capable of killing hundreds of people in seconds. Angry at the politicians who are too feeble to stand up to the NRA and pass laws to place reasonable restrictions on gun ownership. Angry at those who say that this is an inappropriate time to talk about gun control by spouting a bunch of nonsense about not politicizing a tragedy.

This is the perfect time. And you know when else would have been a perfect time? After thirty-two people were gunned down in 2007 on the Virginia Tech Campus. Or last year after Gabby Giffords was shot in the head - and six people were killed - outside a grocery store in Arizona during a meet and greet. Or after twelve people were killed in Aurora, Colorado this past summer during a midnight showing of Batman. Or after the Kansas City Chiefs linebacker shot and killed his girlfriend and then himself earlier this month. Or after a gunman killed two people during a mass shooting at an Oregon mall just last week. Last. Week. Two mass shootings in a single week.

Honestly, if I hear the phrase "guns don't kill people, people kill people" one more time, I am likely to commit an act of violence myself.

Last week after that Chiefs linebacker shot and killed his girlfriend and then himself NBC's Bob Costas spoke out in favor of gun control. And he was berated for expressing his opinions so soon after the event took place. Well. If a conversation about rational gun control laws in this country is politicizing these unspeakable tragedies, then I say politicize away. That conversation has to start somewhere, sometime, because we can't continue down this path anymore.

Lets start with the facts. An op-ed in Saturday's New York Times laid them out all nice and neat. Countries that have strict gun control laws are safer than the ones that don't. Children aged 5-14 in America are 13 times more likely to be killed by a gun than in any other country in the industrialized world. In the United States, firearms kill one person every twenty minutes, or approximately 30,000 people per year. More Americans die in gun deaths in six months then have died in the last 25 years in every terrorist attack on American soil and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, combined.

So. You want to own guns. You want to hunt, and you want to protect yourself and your family. You want to pass along this heritage to your children. And you believe - and will defend to the literal death - that the Second Amendment affords you this right. And maybe it does. Reasonable minds may differ. But the intent of the founding fathers certainly was not that the citizens of this country arm themselves with assault rifles similar to those used by our soldiers in combat. And to allow those weapons to be purchased without so much as a background check.

I have been a student of Constitutional Law, and time after time my professors drilled into my head the ideology behind individual freedoms, and when it is just and acceptable for limits to be placed on those freedoms. We are given the freedom of speech until our words will create a clear and present danger, incite immediate violence, or would interfere with a legitimate government interest. We have freedom of religion unless that religion practices human sacrifice, or it means children will die because their parents refuse to give them medicine to treat common illnesses. We have the freedom to peaceably assemble, but cities are still permitted to place reasonable restrictions on the time, place and manner of assembly to keep the peace and maintain public spaces.

Cars can be dangerous, so state legislatures pass laws to make them safer. There are tests to pass before a drivers license can be issued, seat belt laws, speed limits, and laws prohibiting the use of cell phones while driving. OSHA has five pages of laws relating to the use of ladders. School buildings must meet certain safety codes, and cafeteria food is regulated to reduce the risk of food-borne illness. For heaven's sake, even toy guns are regulated by requiring orange tips, so as not to mistake a toy gun for a real gun. But we can't get together and pass reasonable restrictions on actual gun ownership?

Every freedom has its limits. This is the price we pay for living in a civilized society. So I have a really hard time understanding why the pro-gun lobby thinks that the Second Amendment and the right to bear arms is the only freedom we are afforded as Americans that should be virtually limitless.

Look, we don't want your guns, we really don't, as long as you buy them legally and own them safely. We might not like it, but it's really not up to us to judge. But it should be a little harder to get a gun, to reduce the risk of these kinds of mass shootings becoming even more commonplace than they already are. Like instituting waiting periods and background checks. Or restricting the sale of certain kinds of ammunition to reduce the number of people who can be killed with a single cartridge. Or banning assault rifles. These are measures that have already been taken in other countries that have dramatically reduced the volume of gun deaths. It's time to take those steps in this country too.

You want to own guns? Fine. Own them. But you better make damn sure that your freedom to own those guns doesn't infringe on our freedom to stay alive while watching a movie, shopping at a mall, going to school, and walking the streets.

Oh but wait, it already has. Because this morning, as parents all over the country drove their children to school, they did so filled with an unspeakable fear. Fear that their children are no longer safe in the one place they should be the safest. Fear that when they hugged their children goodbye it might be the last time. And you can bet that there are some parents who kept their children home today. Or picked them up early on Friday. And because there are twenty families in a town only forty miles from where I sit right now that are planning funerals for first graders. Planning funerals. For first graders. Let that sink in, and then try and tell me that unlimited gun ownership under the Second Amendment is a freedom to be celebrated.

My heart is aching for the twenty families who lost children, the six other families who lost loved ones, and an entire community that has been ripped apart at the seams. But grief and thoughts and prayers simply are not enough. Not this time. Now is the time for action. For writing our elected representatives to tell them that we have had enough. For pushing back when the NRA touts gun ownership as a reasonable means of protection. For keeping assault rifles out of the hands of anyone who is not a soldier on the front lines defending this country from its enemies.

We will never get all the guns back, but as members of a civilized society, it is time to take action. It is time for change. And it is our patriotic duty as Americans to ensure that change comes sooner, rather than later.

We owe it to those twenty children and their families. We owe it to ourselves and our families.

Now is the time for action.

Summer: A TV Lover's Paradise

iPad. The Good Wife. Dark Room. Summer is awesome.

Once upon a time, TV-land in the summer was a dark and desolate place. 

Every May the shows that I depended on, the ones that kept me company through a long, cold winter, came to an end. For nearly four months every year - the "hot" months, if you will - my DVR was heartbreakingly empty, my channel guide mocking me with its constant scroll of re-runs, news and baseball games.

It was as if the network heads themselves had conspired to force us all off our couches to get us outside to enjoy the season. Never much of an outdoor person unless outdoors includes a lounge-chair, a delicious drink and a book, I was relegated to watching movies and the same episodes of Law & Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, and NCIS over and over again.

It was a sad existence, friends.

But happily, that existence is no more.

Because it seems as though the people who run the networks have finally realized that not everyone has a burning desire to hike and bike and spend their summers baking under the scorching sun. They finally understand that the people who watch TV in the fall and winter watch just as much TV in the summer, it's just that, until the last year or two, there was just nothing in the summer worth watching.

But oh how the times have changed. The past two summers have served up such delicious treats as Mistresses, Under The Dome, The Night Shift, Extreme Weight Loss, Sister Wives and Falling Skies. And we can't forget the summer mainstay The Bachelorette, Jack Bauer's harrowing and illustrious return in 24: Live Another Day, and the brand new and highly anticipated Bachelor in Paradise, ABC's replacement for the beloved and dearly-departed Bachelor Pad.

And if you get sick of waiting a week in between episodes of your favorite shows, you can always do what I did and spend and entire Sunday binge-watching the first eight episodes of Netflix's incredible original series Orange Is The New Black. You might, as I did, end up with some pretty insane nightmares about being a prison inmate and wake up with a major TV hangover, but just stick with it. Any season binge watcher will tell you that it'll all be worth it in the end.

And if none of that strikes your fancy, the advent of Netflix and Hulu Plus means that you can spend an entire summer ensconced in marathons of the TV shows that you always meant to watch but never got around to. For example, a few weeks ago I jumped on The Good Wife bandwagon and have now watched my way through three and a half seasons, with a season and a half left to go. I'm not sure how I missed this one the first time around, but I'm definitely making up for lost time, and am considered a re-watch of all of the seasons of Friday Night Lights to combat my post-Good Wife blues that are sure to settle in once I finish season five.

So TV lovers rejoice! No longer do you have to tag along on those hateful outdoor events that define the summer. You can stay inside, in your air-conditioned living rooms, with snacks at the ready, enjoying everything that TV has to offer. And if you still want a little outdoor time, just do what I do and move your TV watching right outside for the very best of both worlds.

My kind of outdoor summer activity

Just make sure to bring your snacks out with you. That walk from the lounge chair to the kitchen can be awfully taxing.

Warm and Dry Outside In The Rain

You would think that when you build an outdoor oasis you would want it to be sunny outside all the time so you could enjoy it.

You would be wrong.

Because it turns out that there is something more romantic than candle-lit dinners, flowers for no reason at all, romance novels, and even a cleaned off and warmed-up car the morning after a foot of snow.

David and I got home at the very same time on Tuesday evening, parking our cars side-by-side in our driveway in the pouring rain. And instead of going straight inside, David headed for our new outdoor living room. I hesitated, thinking of a ruined bag and water-logged shoes from walking across the grass, but I finally relented, and joined him on the couch.

And for a few minutes before the Jewish holiday of Shavuot began and our night took us over we sat, warm and dry, under our massive umbrella, and listened to the rain falling over our heads.

And it was incredible.

Wishing you a weekend filled with ordinary moments that become something extraordinary.

Israel Day Parade 2014

Outdoor Oasis, Part II

It's no secret if you read this blog that it took me awhile to get used to our new neighborhood after our move to the suburbs a little over a year and a half ago. Part of that was because change has never been particularly easy for me, but what else is new? Mostly, I think the move was hard because of when it was.

We made our move when all of lower Manhattan and our new neighborhood were still dark from Hurricane Sandy, and a mere five days after we settled in it started to snow, and didn't stop until spring. 

It's no wonder that for the first few months I dreamed about staking a For Sale sign in the front yard and hightailing it back to the city.

But the seasons go round and winter didn't last forever and eventually spring came. The weather got warmer and people came out of their hibernation and started walking the streets of my neighborhood, and most importantly, we got to work on building what became our outdoor oasis. David built a new deck, we got a grill, and for the summer, we lived outside. We have barbecues with lots of friends, we ate all our meals on the deck, and spend long, lazy summer afternoons outside with books, snacks, and everything you need to make an outdoor home.

Well, this summer we stepped up our game. 

I think the pictures can do it better justice than I can with words, so I present to you, our outdoor living room, courtesy of David, who always seems to know exactly what we need before I even know that what we need exists in the world:

This is where I spent the entire weekend

When I got tired of reading I watched 5 episodes of The Good Wife
because David extended our wifi to reach the yard

Because it's so cool to lay on a couch outside

View of the back of the house

Still outside when the sun set