Tuesday, May 28, 2013

First Date: A Horror Story

I climbed into the car, trying to smile at my date while attempting to avoid catching my heels on the sundry empty soda cans that littered the floor of the passenger side.

I had felt rather sophisticated as I was getting dressed for what would be my first date as a Manhattan resident, but it occurred to me as I dodged a mysterious sticky spot on the dashboard that getting picked up in an ancient Honda that smelled vaguely of cheese was decidedly unsophisticated.

Don't be a snob, I ordered myself as I inched closer to the open window.

"I just need to get on the FDR and we'll be on our way," he said.

I couldn't figure out why he needed to get to the FDR when Chelsea Piers - our destination for the evening - was on the west side, but this guy grew up in New York City, so I decided he knew something I didn't and stayed quiet as he headed east.

Twenty minutes later we got off the highway and, having already covered all of the customary first date topics, fell silent.

Racking my brain for something to say, I glanced out the window in time to see us drive past my street and hear my date curse under his breath.

"I guess we didn't need to get on the FDR," he said, his face turning red.

I opened my mouth to say something supportive but what came out was,

"No, we definitely did not."

We finally got to Chelsea Piers and I made a beeline for the arcade, hoping that noise and crowds would make the night go a little faster.

"Wait, I forgot something."

He left me on the edge of the parking lot and raced back to the car. He popped the trunk and pulled out a Trivial Pursuit box, then walked back to me, beaming like he had just won a gold medal.

"What are we doing with that?" I asked.

"We're playing it."

"Playing it where?"

"Over there. On the bench. By the water."

"But what about the arcade?"

"Oh, we're not going to the arcade. This will be more fun."

Fat chance.

So we sat and played the game as I shivered uncontrollably in a dress wildly inappropriate for the cold September night.

Two hours passed before I finally muttered something about needing to study and told him I had to go home.

"But I thought we would go get some pizza," he offered.

"No, no. No pizza. I need to go home. Now."

He pulled up to my apartment and had barely stopped the car before I got out, tossed a goodbye over my shoulder and slammed the door without looking back.

Two days later my phone rang while I was studying and I let it go to voicemail.

Later that night I listened to the message. It was him, asking me out again.

I never returned the call.

22 comments:

  1. He sounds like he is King of Lame Dates.

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  2. First dates don't always go well, but they make a great story. I enjoyed yours! (What was he thinking?)

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  3. Trivial Pursuit and pizza could make for a pretty fun first date, but not when you're dressed up and he has a garbage-filled car.

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  4. Please don't hate me, but I kinda feel bad for him. He obviously really liked you, so at least he got that part right ;)

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    1. I feel bad for him now too, looking back. And admittedly, I was pretty obnoxious to him. It's obvious in retrospect that he was trying so hard, but at the time, all I wanted was for it to be over as soon as humanly possible.

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  5. It could have been so romantic if only you shared his passion for Trivial Pursuit and sticky dashboards. I loved your description of the car.

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    1. I did hear a couple of years ago that he got married, so I guess he found a girl who was into Trivial Pursuit by the water...

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  6. sounds like it was his first date. ever. i kind of feel bad for him.

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    1. The funny thing is, it was definitely not his first date ever.

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  7. Who plays Trivial Pursuit on a cold beach in September? Goodness. Poor guy. I hope he wised up a bit for the next girl. And cleaned up his car. haha

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    1. Yes, it was definitely not the most brilliant idea. It had potential, but it was freezing, and we were playing mere steps from an arcade that I would much rather have been at.

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  8. Sounds like he sort of had good intentions, but not a lot of practicality. It doesn't take much for someone to notice that their date is freezing and not dressed for outdoor trivial pursuit.

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    1. Yes, my blue lips and uncontrollable shaking definitely passed him right by.

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  9. Wow, if he thought that date went well, I wonder what his bad dates were like.

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  10. I love dare stories. Love love love. This is a good one!!! I can totally picture it!

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    1. I got lucky and most of my dates were, if not good, at least not horrible. This is my one and only absolute horror story.

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  11. After reading this, I realize the advantages of not being asked out on dates!

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  12. ACK! Bad first dates. Nuff said.

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  13. Ugh! This brought back so many memories of bad first dates and all the clueless guys I hoped would never call again who always did. And those I would have happily frozen my ass off in wildly inappropriate dresses to get a second date? Somehow they always lost my number. Great story!

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  14. Ugh, first dates can be THE WORST. Sounds like this one certainly was...

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  15. It's funny when people on dates have no clue and no ability to read the other person. I mean, I'm sure he thought it was a cute idea to play Trivial Pursuit overlooking the water, but couldn't he tell that you weren't feeling it, and what you were feeling instead was freezing?

    This makes me think I ought to tell my bad date story. Thank God I only have one. Oh, wait, two, I have two. :)

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