I'm not talking about your normal, garden-variety tired. I'm talking a numb limbs, word slurring, unable to concentrate kind of exhaustion. The kind borne of night after night of very little sleep. Of late bedtimes, early mornings, and nary a nap during the day. When I sleep, I sleep like the dead, but unfortunately I haven't slept nearly enough.
And where, you may ask, can I place the blame for this sudden stretch of fatigue?
On a confluence of events so rare that it has never happened before, and may never happen again.
It all began a couple of months ago when Netflix announced that the season 2 of House of Cards would be released in all of its 13-episode glory on February 14th. Then I looked at the calendar and realized that February 14th was right in the middle of the 2 week-long Winter Olympics and happened to be just before the ice dancing and ladies individual competitions began - my most favorite Olympic sports. Soon after that, a glance at my DVR's upcoming recordings informed me that the week after House of Cards was released was also the week that American Idol went to its 3-episode a week format to choose the top-13 for the finals.
So what's a girl to do?
Well, at first I figured that we would just plow through all 13 episodes of House of Cards in a single weekend, thereby eliminating one arm of the television trifecta that was threatening to take over my life. The idea of a 13-episode binge, complete with sweatpants, snacks and dirty hair, filled me with glee in a way that only people who have experienced it themselves will understand. But pesky personal lives and various errands and responsibilities over the weekend sadly made that impossible. We were relegated to watching the episodes two or three at a time, thereby ensuring that the entire series would take us at least four or five days to get through. Unchartered territory for us, as we are champion binge watchers, but we were determined not to let it get us down.
When Monday night rolled around and we still had five episodes to go, I knew I was in for a doozy of a week.
I knew that not watching all 3 1/2 hours of the NBC prime time Olympics coverage the night it aired was a total non-starter. The idea of missing some unforeseen Olympic moment made my palms sweat and my severe Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) when it comes to pop-culture events simply wouldn't allow for such a thing. So the Olympics had to make the cut.
I guess I probably could have saved American Idol for this weekend once we were done with House of Cards and I had my entire Sunday free to do nothing but watch TV, but I knew that Twitter and my favorite American Idol recappers would give all the results away, and well, we couldn't have that, could we?
So I decided to watch them all, and my nights this week have gone something like this:
Get home from work...rummage around in the kitchen to find something for dinner...take said dinner to the couch and commence Olympics coverage until David gets home from work...pause Olympics coverage when he gets home, make cursory "how was your day" conversation while he takes off his shoes and takes his place on the couch...hook iPad up to the TV for 2 episodes of House of Cards and sit in front of the TV with mouth hanging open because Frank Underwood did what??...Go upstairs to bed except don't actually go to sleep...Finish Olympics coverage...Prop open eyes with toothpicks and start the 2 hours of American Idol...Realize I have fallen asleep in the middle of a really bad performance...Rewind said performance anyway because don't want to miss a thing...Finally finish American Idol and turn off the light...Check phone only to realize that favorite AI recap has been posted...Fall asleep with phone in hand in the middle of the recap...wake up when my alarm goes off with phone still in hand...Get up and get dressed for work...
Needless to say, I'm pretty tired. But honestly, it's the good kind of tired. The kind that tells you that you have really accomplished something great. Because smashing seven hours worth of TV into a single evening is no easy feat. It takes years of conditioning and training and an unrivaled love of TV, which we possess in spades.
By this time next week the Olympics will be over, we'll be done with House of Cards, American Idol goes back to its regular twice-a-week format, and I'll finally be able to get a little sleep.
Except, starting on Tuesday, all 25 of my shows that have been on hiatus these past few weeks will be back and my DVR will once again be entirely filled up, just the way I like it.
Who needs sleep anyway?