Tuesday, June 25, 2013

If I Was Asked About My Most Embarrassing Moment, This Is The Story I Would Tell

I ran blindly up the stairs, tears of panic and humiliation clouding my vision and my mind playing the same words on repeat.

Have to get away. Faster.

For a second, the voice of my teacher calling my name cut through the refrain, but I kept moving. I didn't look back. Couldn't.

I hated last period English in eighth grade. Actually, I hated all of eighth grade, but last period English was particularly awful.

I only had five minutes to run from my seventh period class to my English classroom down by the lake on the outskirts of campus. Every day I got to class sweaty and out of breath and spent forty-five minutes trying to be invisible in a classroom filled with the popular kids. And when English was over I had another five minutes to get up to the bus that would take me to the high school campus where my mom picked me up.

Every day I was gripped with anxiety about being late for English or, more terrifyingly, missing the bus. No matter that shuttles to the high school left every ten minutes. If I didn't make the 3:50 bus, obviously something catastrophic would happen.

On this particular day, at 3:38, I had to go to the bathroom.

The closest one was up on the main campus, so I couldn't go and come back before the last bell. I had spent the past fifteen minutes wondering if I could hold it until I got home, because I also knew that if I stopped on the way to the bus I would miss the 3:50 for sure.

But I couldn't hold it. I had to go now, even if I missed the bus.

I raised my hand per classroom policy and asked if I could please use the restroom. My teacher said that I could, and since there were only a few minutes of class left, why didn't I just take my things with me.

Feeling like I had won the lottery, I hurriedly gathered up my backpack, turned to leave, and walked straight into the classroom's closed sliding glass door.

After a beat of silence, the entire class - including five football players, three baseball players, two members of the girl's soccer team, an actress and the student council president - burst into wild laughter.

The tears rose faster than I was able to battle them back and, unwilling to be any further embarrassed, I wrenched open the door and fled.

I was halfway up the stairs when my teacher yelled, "Samantha, come back. I'm so mad at them for laughing at you."

But I didn't go back, and her coming after me didn't make it better. It made it worse, and so did the notes of apology that she made the entire class write to me the next day.

I wish she would have just ignored it and pretended it didn't happen, just like I tried to do.

Even if I never quite managed it.

36 comments:

  1. Oh, why are kids so mean? I think if you can survive Junior High, you can survive anything. Well, it could have been worse...at least you didn't wet your pants after hitting the door! :)

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    1. God, I never ever thought of that. Yep, it would have been worse.

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  2. Oh, that's such a painful time of life. I was like you - shy, scared of the popular kids & their ridicule, worried about too many things. You capture it so minutely, I could have been reading about myself...

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    1. Thanks so much...middle school was definitely not my finest hour.

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  3. In one of those kids' afternoon shows, the kid would laugh it off and be cool OR get a huge cut and end up learning a lesson of friendship in the hospital. In real life, it's just miserable. But it's a great story!

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    1. An episode of Full House this definitely wasn't. Thanks so much!

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  4. What a lousy experience. Man that teacher may have meant well, but sometimes adults are so oblivious to the obvious!

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    1. Yeah, she really just didn't get it. It probably would have been better all around if she would have just ignored it.

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  5. Oh, that sucks. I felt like it was me banging into the glass. it's funny, if it happened today, you'd probably laugh, but back then, everything was so much bigger.

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    1. I would definitely laugh if it happened today, but my eighth grade self? Not so much.

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  6. Oh man. How horrible. Actually, I admire her for saying something to you to try and comfort you. And I hate those other kids for laughing instead of jumping up and trying to help.

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    1. She meant well, but her calling more attention to it just made everything worse.

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  7. The teenage years can be so painful. I'm glad the doors didn't break! I'd like to hear this story again in another decade. Wonder if you'll have a new perspective then? Maybe not! Just interesting to think about. Thank you for sharing!

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    1. I think if it happened today I would just laugh it off. But in middle school? It was about the worst thing that could ever have happened.

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  8. Good story and I empathize because middle schoolers can be very mean.

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  9. I hate it when bad things happen to me in front of popular people. I feel like that now sometimes when my kid is being a brat in front of the beautiful moms.

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    1. It was dreadful. I'm not sure what I did to deserve a class filled with the beautiful people...

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  10. Oh, these moments! Everyone has either a short or long list. I'm sure your teacher would have been sad realizing she made it worse- when adults get involved in kid politics.

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    1. And actually, she was an excellent teacher, her instincts were just off on that particular day.

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  11. Oh, jeez... Poor you. I just wanted to die with you.

    FWIW, I wouldn't have laughed.

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    1. Thanks so much. I think because of this, I'm really careful to make sure if I laugh at something I'm really laughing WITH someone instead of AT them.

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  12. Kids are cruel and mean ... I'm sorry you had this experience :( One can only hope the 'laughers' have experienced their own karma during the course of their lifetime.

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    1. I don't know where very many of them are these days, but I hope so too.

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  13. Oh, I hated those years so much. How terrible!

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  14. Ugh! This brings back so many painful memories of junior high school and the popular crowd I so longed to be part of but never was. I feel for little you (and little me) and think we could have been friends in the back of the room. Such a good reminder as an adult to stay out of these incidents and offer a hug and a shoulder to cry on instead. Wonderful post.

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    1. I sometimes think that if I knew the people then that I know now, middle/high school would have been awesome. But maybe I love and appreciate life so much now because of all the crap that happened back then. A conundrum...

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  15. oh geez, "notes of apology" too?? yeesh.
    man being a kid sucks sometimes!

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    1. Yep...she meant well, but those notes made it so much worse. It just reminded everyone the next day of what had happened, and exponentially increased the embarrassment factor.

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  16. I'm so glad you didn't pee your pants in front of the class. Seriously, my bladder hurt when you hit the glass. Excellent post. Junior high is an interesting time. I taught it for over a decade, and I tried my best to create a space where all kids felt welcomed and safe. The popular kids are almost always the mean ones. I can't believe the teacher made the kids write letters of apology. I'm sure she meant well, but that just prolongs the agony and guarantees that no one forgets it.

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    1. Oh yeah, the notes made it so much worse. She definitely should have just let it go.

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  17. They just laughed? Because they were popular and you had to go to the bathroom? WTF?

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    1. I think you may have missed the part where I walked straight into the sliding glass door...But yes, probably also just because they were popular.

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  18. I feel you. I would have been embarrassed as well. Nowadays when my friends and I walk into glass windows and doors we laugh hard at each other. But we're secure in the knowledge that our laughter isn't demeaning.

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  19. Oh wow, that's brutal! 8th grade WAS the worst, right? I can see how that would stick with you for a while. This was very well written. Hopefully you've put that moment behind you after being able to write about it. Catharsis?

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  20. Ouch (both literally and figuratively). I remember that junior high anguish acutely -- the rushing around campus, fear of being tardy, or, the very worst, missing the bus (gulp). Like some of the other commenters, I had this fear that you were going to write you peed your pants (your writing is thoroughly engrossing!).

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  21. That is funny, and laughter is a normal response. The teacher's response, however, was overboard and she should have know better.

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