Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A Writing Community and A Family of Writers

My stomach churned as I clicked "add your link" and sat back to wait.

I had complicated feelings about the story. For five hours that day I sat at my computer and took myself back to eighth grade. To those days of fear, anxiety and longing to belong. For five hours I examined memories long buried, and laid myself bare.

For the six months that I had been blogging my writing had been light, but I had begun to think that maybe I had something more. Something important.

I felt the words marinating inside me, their flavors deepening, but not quite ready to be consumed.

But the day they were ready to be written, I knew.

So I sat, and I wrote. And it was different. It wasn't light this time, but a little dark, a little complicated, a little sad.

And when the last line was typed, I went back to read what I had written and I was stunned at what had come out of me.

I sat for a minute, wondering what to do. My first instinct was to leave it in my drafts folder. To save it for me and me alone. But there was a whisper in my head that got louder each time I read back through my story.

Share.

I wanted to share it. I wanted people to read it. Because I thought that, more than anything I had ever written before, these words said "this is me." It was honest, and it was real, and I was proud of it.

So I published it to my blog, but it wasn't quite enough. Because the people who read my blog - my parents, my sisters, my family - knew the story already. I wondered what people who didn't know the story would think. Whether my writing would stand up. Whether they would understand what I felt, what I was trying to do.

I had been lurking at Yeah Write for the summer, reading excellent writing and trying to summon the courage to join the party.

That day, I found it.

So I added my link to the grid. For an hour I waited while my post was moderated. I knew I would get an e-mail when my story was approved, but I still pressed refresh every thirty seconds.

And when my story finally appeared on the grid, a fresh wave of anxiety washed over me.

What if it's not good enough? What if no one likes it?

But then the comments started coming in. Supportive and wonderful comments from other writers. From people who knew. Who understood what it was like to put your words out there and hope for the best.

One that day, the day of my very first Yeah Write post, I found more than my voice. I found a community. A family.

And I am grateful.

Happy, happy 2nd birthday to Yeah Write and to the amazing ladies who keep it running.
Endless thanks for giving us a community and a family to come back to week after week.

27 comments:

  1. Awwww!!! Yes yes yes. I am loving the meta posts about Yeah Write to Yeah Write. I remember when you started posted and you are one of the writers whose writing and spirit and character I love. Now I want to go to Pittsburgh because of you. Great post and I'm glad we found each other here.

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  2. I am so alarmed to find myself so full of self doubt about this writing thing and especially submissions...Thanks for the validation.

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  3. I'm glad you shared that day, and have kept on sharing. Glad to know you in the virtual writing realm! :)

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  4. yay you! I felt the same anxiety when i first put myself up on that grid. it was so intimidating. so glad you came and stayed and shared and continue to do so. i'm a fan. :)

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  5. I am new to the Yeah Write community but already loving it. Thanks for sharing your story!

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  6. I am totally a part of the Sam Merel fan club. I always enjoy reading you. Long live Yeah Write and the creativity that hangs out here!

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  7. You and Christie both! I heart yeah write too, yay for all the wonderful people including you!

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  8. I love the community--so supportive. I have had that experience of refreshing a page quite frequently to check for comments.

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  9. It is so hard putting yourself out there - but I'm glad you managed to do so, as I always enjoy your writing. :)

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  10. Loved this and love you! You are a fabulous writer and a genuine, supportive peer. So glad to have found and connected with you.

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  11. I feel this way every week! I could read you all day. I love how you described the feeling of words flowing from you and being surprised reading what you've written. I've experienced that feeling and hope for more of it. I'm really grateful to you for your consistent, loving support on and off the "grid."

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  12. I remember that post so well. I love that yeah write has led me to such fantastic writers.

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  13. Yeah Write is such a wonderful community/family of writers and I know that feeling of anxiety before the send button is pressed. But what a wonderful opportunity to learn and share ideas with other writers. So glad you continue to share your great writing.

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  14. I LOVE that you shared this this week! When I wrote the post that I submitted I was thinking of you and the post about shoes.
    What a coincidence, right?

    I am thankful for Yeah Write for so many reasons, and one of them is for all of the great people I have been introduced to. :-)

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  15. You captured it completely! I just started with YW this summer and felt the same nerves and doubts. What a great tribute, especially for this week.

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  16. This is such a great post because I think everyone who has ever posted to the grid can relate. So glad we're all here!

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  17. Yes, definitely! I can totally relate. I always feel a sense of trepidation when I post something, but there are those posts that are harder to publish than others, even those that aren't added to the Yeah Write grid - like my post for today. Definitely held my breath with that one.

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  18. Yes, the supportive comments make it all worth it.

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  19. So glad you joined the party!!

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  20. Loved this post, Sam. It echos all the feelings I had in the beginning. The tentativeness while waiting for Flood's love letters and then the elation of seeing my thumbnail on the grid. Happy, happy.

    You are one of my daily reads. Your words and stories make me feel so good and they always resonate.

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  21. You really captured how it feels to link up to Yeah Write. The anxiety and the acceptance.

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  22. Congrats on finding your voice. I'm still searching.

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  23. Aw, how nice! I thInk we all can relate to that feeling of wanting to share, but being scared, and then being amazed at how kind everyone is. This post was great :)

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  24. Ah, what a sweet post! And thank goodness you came; I can't imagine yeah write without you!

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  25. I remember this post! I remember knowing instantly that you were going to be one to watch on the grid. So glad you decided to join us!! That churning stomach feeling with the first link up... yes, I remember that, too!

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  26. Love your Yeah Write themed post! It's so scary sometimes to share those posts, but often most rewarding. People can really dig into the REAL posts. Glad you're keeping it real!

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  27. Oh I loved this! Sharing those kind of posts are the hardest, but they're the most rewarding. Glad you found your courage to post! It's a beautiful thing when we start to find the community of blogging.

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