Monday, August 27, 2012

Don't Call on Me

"Don't call on me...Don't call on me...Don't call on me..."

That was the endless loop in my head as my Torts professor consulted the class roster to choose his victim.

Every day we danced this dance.

He posed a question about a case. Fifty of us silently sat, our hands glued to our laps. No one moved a muscle. No one volunteered an answer. He picked up the roster and scanned the list as fifty stomachs churned. As fifty brains hoped and prayed that they read the assignment accurately enough. But we knew. We knew that there was not enough accuracy in the world to satisfy Professor David Chang.

The most ardent adopter of the dreaded Socratic Method, every person he called on was eviscerated. Humiliated. Some ran for the bathroom after class, tears streaming.

Some ran for the bathroom because he banned us from going for the entirety of his ninety minute class. "Be an adult and wait until the end of class," he told us on the first day of school. One day a girl dared to break the rule. Upon her return, Professor Chang actually stopped speaking until she was settled back in her seat. The longest and quietest 30 seconds of our lives. That was the first and last time anyone visited the bathroom during Torts class.

Was this really what we signed up for? Was it supposed to be like this? I read One L, and I watched The Paper Chase, but I thought somehow that those stories were exaggerations. The exception perhaps, rather than the rule. I never imagined, even in my sweatiest anxiety dreams during the summer before my first year, that I would live a law school horror of my very own.

My other four professors were different. Nicer, somehow. I was never nervous in their classes. I did the reading, and I answered their questions when I was called on. Sometimes I was right, and sometimes I was wrong. If I was wrong, someone else jumped in to help. In those classes, we all wore the same color uniform. We were a team. We could get through this together.

But Torts different. Torts was a solo sport. If you got called on, you were on your own. You were treading water in the open sea, with no land in sight and no hope of rescue. No one came to your aid, for fear that the current would sweep them under as well, and then two would go down instead of just one.

Even in a class of fifty, Torts was a lonely, terrifying place to be.

And so I worked. Hard. I read cases over and over until I had them practically committed to memory. I anticipated every potential question, and took notes on the answers. I spent hours upon hours reading outlines on obscure parts of the law I promptly forgot the minute class was over.

And still, I felt unprepared.

So I prayed. Hard. To any and every deity I thought might be listening. There was no place for monotheism when I was sitting in Torts class. I prayed that he wouldn't call on me.

And it worked.

Until the day it didn't.

"Ms. Brinn, summarize the negligence cause of action that the Plaintiff used to prevail in the lower courts in the case of Palsgraf v. Long Island Railroad, and explain why Justice Cardozo rejected that cause of action on appeal."

I remember the question as if he asked me yesterday.

But staring out my office window on the 26th floor of my New York City law firm, I can't remember the answer I gave.

Or whether it was right or wrong.

Joining some amazing writers who blog and bloggers who write over at Yeah Write and The Speakeasy


46 comments:

  1. How utterly terrifying! But you obviously prevailed!

    I love the imagery this provokes--"You were treading water in the open sea, with no land in sight and no hope of rescue. No one came to your aid, for fear that the current would sweep them under as well, and then two would go down instead of just one." I hear splashing and want to throw a life preserver!

    Nice post.

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    1. Thanks Kenja. It was completely terrifying, but luckily, I made it out the other side. The silver lining was that nothing I faced for the rest of my time in law school was even remotely as daunting that that one first year class. I think I used all my scared up with that one single professor.

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  2. So you made it! And it didn't even matter if you got the answer right... I had a professor in college who called on me ALL THE TIME. I hated it. He wouldn't accept, "I don't know." And if I got the answer wrong he kept asking questions until I could figure out the right answer. I almost went into his office hours to ask why we was singling me out. But, of course, I never got up the guts to do that. I don't even remember his name now.

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    1. I did make it! Its really funny to me what we remember and what we don't. I will never, as long as I live, forget that question and the sound of the professor's voice as he said my name. But, as it often happens I think, the question ended up mattering so much more than the answer I gave. Because seven years later I don't have the slightest idea what my answer even was.

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  3. I had the same fear in my college Spanish class. Thankfully, I could get away with, "No se."

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    1. There were many times that semester I wish I could have gotten away with "no se." This professor wouldn't even take "pass" as an answer.

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  4. So what was the lesson that the prof was trying to get across as he made his student pee their pants in terror?

    Glad you survived that! Wow!

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    1. I honestly have no idea. I mean, I kind of get the fear inducing questioning. Apparently that is a hallmark of the law school experience, though it has fallen out of favor in the past few years. But the bathroom thing? That was just weird. I never knew until that class that part of being an adult meant not going to the bathroom when you have to.

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  5. I hated being called on in school. It didn't matter how well I knew the material I would go blank. Nothing would appear in my head. Half the time after the teacher called my name I couldn't even remember the damn question he/she asked. LOL. I'm glad that you made it out fairly unscathed and are now a lawyer.

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    1. Some people just can't think well on their feet, me being one of those people. I read an interesting book recently called Quiet by Susan Cain that talked about the difficulty that introverts have with answering spontaneous questions, which, at least for me, is completely true.

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  6. It's that anticipation that makes it the worst. My husband did a year of law school and then left to get a history PhD. He remembers the defining moment as this prof who asked students what some legal term meant. Various answers were given and shot down, until the prof said, "Whatever your client needs it to mean."

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    1. There is definitely a severe shortage of concrete answers in law school, something I struggled with for my entire first year. It took a long time to train myself to think abstractly. Thanks for reading!

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  7. Wait, did we go to the same law school??? I would think so except my terrifying torts professor was Professor Palay. I know exactly the fear you describe. Unfortunately, our torts class had about 120 students. Fortunately, I don't remember anyone running from the room crying. Crazy how law school is nothing like being a lawyer, isn't it? Though it does teach us to have a pretty thick skin, I suppose.

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    1. I think that if I had this professor in my second or third year of law school I wouldn't have been nearly as terrified of him. But there is just something really scary and vulnerable about that first year, isn't there? I loved law school, but if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would definitely start with my second year, and bypass all of the first year hysteria. Law school really is nothing like being a lawyer. I get plenty of time to formulate an answer to a question, and the partner I work for lets me go to the bathroom whenever I have to go!

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  8. A story well told. I felt your fear, and your analogy of treading water in the open sea was apt. One teacher like this can serve us well later, but thank heavens they are not all like this.

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  9. This was perfect. I've been there, only it was the Real Property professor. You captured the terror and anxiety of those classes. Well done. P.S. If the Real Property prof didn't like your answer, he have you a ton of extra reading!

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    1. A ton of extra reading? That is just awful. Its a wonder we all made it through those brutal first year classes alive...

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  10. Oh man, that sounds rough! The Socratic Method is brutal. A lesson in handling pressure, I guess? Nice post!

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    1. It really is so bad. I think a lot of professors have stopped using it in its original incarnation, but there are always those few that refuse to give it up. I'm not so sure it was such a good lesson in handling pressure, but it was a really good lesson in preparing properly for class. The part I left out was that, as terrifying as this class was, it was actually my best first semester grade. So maybe he had it right? Who knows?

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  11. My nightmare was Civil Procedure and Pennoyer v. Neff. Prof. Ferguson. I'd watch the clock and pray. I was right there with you girl. Got a bit of a gut check reading your account -- even after all these years.

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    1. Crazy what sticks with you right? Also, seven years almost to the day after my first day of law school, and I still maintain that Pennoyer v. Neff is a hazing exercise for first years. I couldn't pick a holding out of that case to save my life.

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  12. Such a good post! I felt like I was sitting right next to you, sweaty pits and all. I love the image of you standing in your law office looking out the window. Good for you.

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    1. Thank you! I am pretty proud of my office after all those years of law school torture...

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  13. Ha! "Dont call on me dont call on me" was how I got through my upper level spanish class. Oh, the memories..

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    1. I think we all had a class where we prayed not to be called me. Thanks Gia!

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  14. Man! I really wanted to know how you answered!! :)
    I hate that sweaty, heart skip jump!!! I remember it well.

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  15. Ooh, way to recreate that awful feeling. I think everyone's had at least on professor like that. I would have like to know your answer though ;)

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    1. I think you're probably right. I tried really hard to remember the answer, but nothing. All these years later, I actually do know the right answer to the question. If only I could turn back time.

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  16. Wow, it must have been terrifying... but you made it! That's the most important of them all ;)

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  17. I think there's a fine line between intimidating students so they put their best out there and making them a nervous wreck. If you don't remember the answer, didn't he miss the mark? Great story - loved the tension and the descriptions!

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    1. There really is, and I think he did miss the mark. I did really well in that class because I was too scared not to spend hours and hours studying. Contrast that with my favorite law school class, the one that paved the way to the area of the law in which I currently practice. The professor was delightful, thoughtful, and brilliant. He pushed us to learn and think creatively, and never, ever humiliated or scared anyone. I did really well in that class too, because I felt like doing anything less than my best would be insulting to this outrageously amazing professor. Same grades, but two entirely different motivations. Which is better?

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  18. One of my best friends is a lawyer and I still remember the stories she told of law school. A non-smoker when she started, a smoker when she graduated. No clue why they believe that kind of teaching is acceptable or beneficial.

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    1. I don't know, but its been the law school way for years and years. I think there is an argument to be made about whether it is acceptable or not, but I can say with complete conviction that it is not beneficial.

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  19. Oh my god-- I got called on for Palsgraf too! Holy cow it was scary. I thought my brilliant analysis of summers v. Tice was enough for the semester. Great post.

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    1. I will literally never forget that case as long as I live. Running to catch a train, exploding package of fireworks, scales at the end of the platform, injury to a passenger. All the hallmarks of an amazing law school hypothetical. Maybe I live a sheltered life, but that moment when I heard my name come out of that professor's mouth was the scariest moment of my life to date.

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  20. God I used to hate teachers like that! You did a really great job of capturing that feeling, though. I felt like I was right back in college sweating along with you!

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  21. Until you gave your prof's name I thought maybe we had been in the same torts class. And Palsgraf? Shudder - something about a chain reaction distaster at a train station?? Aaaaannnnddd... maybe that's why I don't practice anymore :)

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  22. Ahh yes, law school and the terror. I, too, recall looking out of the window of my office at my NYC law firm and thinking I must have made a seeries of lucky mistakes in order to land there. Thanks for bringing back those days!

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  23. I LOVE this line:

    There was no place for monotheism when I was sitting in Torts class.

    Hilarious!

    You do a great job of putting it all in context at the end. It's amazing how things that used to be so terrifying kind of fade away after time...

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  24. Yech. I hate teaching through intimidation. I'm glad you made it out of there and don't have to worry about it anymore. Really, you don't :) You don't still have dreams about it do you? (Now I have to make sure I don't dream about my crappy profs from college tonight!)

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  25. Excellent post! I would have needed to dehydrate myself all day to make it through such a terrifying ninety minutes!

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  26. The feelings you gave me almost made me want to vomit (from commiseration) because I remember classes like this but not Torts. I was feeling for you every step of the way and I'm glad you are enjoying your NYC view and lost al memory of that moment I hope you only had to experience once.

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  27. I felt stressed just reading that, can't even imagine how it felt to live it. Fortunately you made it through to tell the tale.

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